Is it possible to categorise parenting developmental stages? Parenting is more of a lifelong adventure that you navigate with your children, with unique challenges at every turn. However, stages were derived to simplify and provide a valuable framework for understanding the ever-changing dynamics of being a parent. In today's world, the different stages of parenting flow into each other and are lucid, blurring the rigidities of a category.
There are a few factors based on which phases of parenting are determined:
1. Developmental Stages of A Child: Parenting style changes with the child's age. A parent will be more concerned with feeding, cleaning, and meeting the physical needs of a newborn. If you are a parent of an adolescent child, you will be more focused on his emotional needs.
2. Social and Cultural Expectations: This intrinsic criterion becomes an untold norm while raising your child. In Southeast Asian countries, children are expected to care for their parents and may stay with them even after getting married. In Western countries, children are supposed to be independent by age 16 and are expected to move out of their parents' house.
3. Life Circumstances: If you are raising your child alone, you may be unable to give sufficient time to your child due to your professional commitments. Your work schedule, financial status, mental strength, attitude, behaviour, and expectations, shaped by your life journey, have an invisible yet prominent impact on your parenting style.
As toddlers make their way into the real world, parents travel with them to discover their surroundings in a new way; through their children's eyes. It would help if you adapted your styles and expectations to the psychology of your child’s developmental stage. Galinsky (1981) proposed six such parental psychological stages that coincide with various developmental stages of a child :
In this stage, you are happy and anxious simultaneously in anticipation of the baby’s arrival. You start preparing to welcome a new member into the family physically, emotionally and financially. Here, you mainly worry about the adjustments and compromises needed to make your newborn comfortable and healthy. You further try to preempt the challenges and problems you might face and predict the solutions to reduce future difficulties.
As the name suggests, you gradually bond with the child and understand its needs and wants. With time, you slowly learn to manage and balance work and social life with your child's needs. In this stage, since the child is completely dependent, you need to focus completely on the child and its mental and physical development. The more time you spend with your child, the stronger the bond grows.
This is when you need to start disciplining your child by establishing rules and norms. The rules should ideally be simple with no overlapping grey areas as they are only meant for the child’s safety. However, too much stringency may lead to an irritable and stubborn child. It is advisable to properly explain the reasons for the rules so that your child willingly follows them and can be guided towards autonomy and self-sufficiency in the coming years. They should be offered options and helped make the right choice for their well-being.
Social interactions dominate this phase as children start going to school and begin their social interaction. They should be taught to interpret the behaviours of people around them and react according to social norms. You should handhold them to cope with peer pressure, social challenges, peer comparisons and social etiquette. Although exposed to the outside world at this age, children are still dependent on you as they are just beginning to come out of their shells.
“Why am I treated like a 5-year-old at home?” This is a ubiquitous and annoying issue that you must have faced at some time or the other from your adolescent kid. It is a confusing time for both the child and the parent. The child is neither an adult nor a toddler, and parents can neither be strict or lenient. Children go through physical changes and behavioural changes due to an increase in hormonal activity. Disagreements often lead to disputes and punishments lead to rebellion. It is, hence, crucial to have effective and respectful communication between your child and yourself.
This does not necessarily mean an “ empty nest”. Redefined roles for your child and yourself might characterise it. The child reaches adulthood and is almost or fully independent—communication and decision-making change. You and your child may take equal responsibilities to run the house. It's hard to accept, but your “baby” will no longer need you for daily chores or to share everything that happens in life.
Being a parent and choosing a parenting style is a tricky road. Each child is different and manifests different behaviours at various ages. There can be no set rules or stages that can define parenthood. However, these stages may help you sort out situations when you need clarification about how to react to your child meaningfully.
>> Also Read: 5 Types of Common Mental Health Problems in Child
To simplify these stages, we need to categorise them into “ Child's Primary Need” and “A Parent’s Responsibility”. These are also called Andy Stanley parenting stages, as Andy and Sandra Stanley suggested:
1. Discipline (0-5 years): The child must learn control. It would help if you taught boundaries and the consequences he might face for his uncontrolled actions. Parents are expected to be consistent. You need to communicate who is in charge and why discipline is to be followed.
2. Training (5-12 years): At this age, your child needs to understand why such discipline and rules are in place. It is your responsibility to encourage them to ask questions, and you must teach and train them using your life experiences while shaping their worldview.
3. Coaching (12-18 years): This is a stage for guidance with love when you encourage communication and meaningful conversations with your child. It is time for you to test your teachings and nudge them towards solo flight. You need to indulge in more independent decision-making and build a relationship of quality friendship.
4. Friendship (adult years): In this stage of life, all a child needs from you is space. You need to enable them to experience freedom, make their own mistakes, and learn from them. You need to be there just as a pillar of support when they need guidance, advice, and wisdom.
These four stages of parenting show the dynamicity of parenthood and how you need to change with your child. The more adept you are at these changes, the easier it will be for you and your child to breathe and grow in a healthy relationship.
Reading about these stages might make you feel exhausted. Imagine what you may feel when you go through these stages. Yes, it is only, being human. Hence, it is essential to understand the stages of parenting burnout.
These phases include the honeymoon phase, the onset of stress phase, chronic stress, and finally, the burnout phase. As the name suggests, the initial honeymoon phase is a happy phase when you are excited and motivated about being a responsible parent.
The onset of stress begins when you juggle your parental responsibilities with other regular household chores and social demands. You find it challenging and may feel exhausted. Chronic stress occurs when you feel irritable, resentful and distant from your child. It affects your mental and physical health due to long-term fatigue and distress. Burnout is the final phase when you will finally collapse, mentally, physically and emotionally. You will become distant from your child and lose interest in your hobbies, work, and even social life.
Motherhood Burnout is a specific type of parenting burnout that happens due to unique stressors and demands that a mother needs to endure from the moment she conceives. This burnout is not only detrimental to your child's development but can also permanently affect your relationship with your child. The child will always feel anxious, worried, irritable, and insecure.
If you feel you have any of these symptoms, do not panic. Focus on yourself and seek help to overcome them for your own and your child's safety.
As parents, you may often think it is selfish, but taking time off to care for yourself helps the family in the long run. Invest in a family health insurance policy covering your finances for outpatient visits, doctor consultations or therapy. Care Health has got your back. With Care Health policy, you can access specialised doctors and nutritionists who can guide you through these difficult times.
Sometimes, it is necessary to prioritise yourself to enhance your quality of family life. A child often imitates its parents. If you are unstable and irritable around him, he is bound to grow up with impatience, insecurity, and low self-esteem. Only a healthy family can foster a healthy child.
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Published on 16 Nov 2024
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